things that I've learned

in the few weeks since my original blog post regarding my kids' school, I've had some time to digest what I said, how people reacted to it, and maybe where we go from here. I would definitely say that perhaps it would've been good to have handled things differently, not laundered our dirty clothes in quite so public of a way, but I absolutely don't regret writing what I did. I think it's started some very necessary conversations about where our school needs to go from here. I also think it's really brought several things into focus for me.

The first thing that really struck me, and this shouldn't be surprising, is that for every person in that board meeting, there was often a completely different understanding of what went on that night. People bring their life experiences, their ethnic, racial, and socioeconomic backgrounds with them and view social interactions through those lenses. As a social scientist, I shouldn't have been surprised by this, and yet it still caught me off guard. What I interpreted as a socioeconomic/racial comment, others interpreted as a more general commentary about the role of young women and girls in our society, another interpreted it as more of a commentary about the coarsening of our public language and how we want to keep our kids away from that, and yet another interpreted things predominantly along class lines. I don't think anyone sets out to be insensitive or insulting, I think we just sometimes see things very, very differently. As I discussed with one mom recently, rather than despair over this, I guess it gets to be my job to bring these things to light. I do wish I had handled things differently, but I'm glad I said the things that I did, because they needed to be said. As the lone ethnic minority member on the board, maybe it gets to be my job to say these things.

Some Asian parents recently toured the school and noticed that there were very few Asian students at ASCA, and commented on this. Given that our school initially drew from All Saints Episcopal Church, and then via word of mouth, it is understandable that the student body would be predominantly white. This is not surprising. Although we would love to think that students don't see color, and we are color blind, this is definitely not the way the world works.

This may or may not be news to you, but when you are an ethnic or racial minority, when you enter a new situation (a new school, a new workplace, a sporting event, a conference), you often immediately scan the room looking for others like you. You then make a mental note, "oh, not too many of my people here." Then you start to think about why. In some cases, this won't bother you, but in other cases it will. When I attended the UCR MESA family engineering night at UCR with my children on Ash Wednesday, I immediately noticed that (a) the only other people with ashes on their foreheads were the other latinos at the latino engineering table and (b) in a city where over 50% of the students are of hispanic/latino descent, I absolutely did not see much representation of that community. I made a mental note to ask the organizers if they could please do more to reach out to these communities.

I'm sure that ethnic and racial minority parents make the same observations when they visit Carden. While it may not be a deciding factor, it may influence them in their decision. It may trouble them, much as it often troubles me. For as much as we'd like our school and our culture to be color blind, I'm afraid that we just aren't there yet. I'd like to make the drive to have ASCA be more inclusive not only socio-economically but also racially and ethnically a top priority. I'd like to have it go hand-in-hand with discussions about tuition, but more importantly, in discussions about our vision for the school and our long-term plans for ASCA.

Similarly, financial aid must be a top priority. If we wish to continue to have the children of teachers, clerks and working people be able to access the wonderful opportunities of ASCA, finacial aid cannot be something worked out in private, on a case-by-case basis. It has to be stated up front, right next to tuition costs. I was lamenting to an All Saints parishioner that unlike other well-established schools, we do not have a giant endowment that would allow us to offer financial aide. When we do receive large gifts, they necessarily need to go to improvements of the physical plan that are absolutely necessary when the school is growing. I wished out loud that someone would drop $100,000 on us that we could use the interest (admittedly, very little interest nowadays) to subsidize tuition for those academically deserving but financially strapped students. While I think this is unlikely, the parisioner mentioned that maybe we could get 10 donations of $10,000. Or maybe, parisioners would be willing to pitch in $25 a month or so, enough to provide partial or full scholarships for deserving students.

While I absolutely agree that tuition increases are necessary (something I noted in my original blog post), I suppose that I was just disappointed that there was not a universal concern that we were going to leave some people behind and the implications of this move. I was hoping that someone would pipe up and say, "hey! you know it feels like tuition is eventually going to reach $1000 a month. Can someone make a motion that we discuss financial aid? and while we're at it, a plan to increase racial and ethnic diversity would be great. can we discuss this at a future meeting?" Then we could all go home to our families and weekend plans. Since I didn't hear it at that meeting (though I have heard it since from a variety of parents and parishioners), I guess I'd like to make that motion. I understand that opening my big mouth probably means that I'll be in charge of it. I can accept that.

What I cannot accept is being quiet and not speaking about my concerns. Again, putting it out on a blog post was perhaps not the most diplomatic way to address things, but it certainly got people talking. It perhaps also got some things onto the discussion board that might not have been there otherwise. It got some people, including me, to do some very necessary soul-searching. I don't hate my kids' school. I'm not planning on leaving. and unless I am the subject of unmitigrated vitriol at the next board meeting, I'm not planning on leaving that either. someone needs to speak up. might as well be me.

had to get this off of my chest

I struggled with the decision to send my children to private school. I felt guilty about it. I still feel plenty guilty about it. But now it's so much more complicated. Because once again, race and class issues rear their ugly heads. but more about that later.

What really cemented my decision to send my child to a private school was a visit to Alcott Elementary where the principal told me that before they could raise the roof (raise academic expectations), they first had to level the floor. In other words, my child would be forced to tread water academically while other children, who came to school with less preparation, built their foundation. I didn't think that was fair. I remember being bored in school A LOT (at least, until I took my first AP course in high school) and I just didn't want that for my child. Her school now allows her to achieve academically in the fields she likes best, and she's not forced to wait for anyone to catch up. From an instructional point of view, she's also not held captive to the CST test, pacing chart, two-part standards and all of the rest of the rigamarole that is part and parcel of public education today.

In my daughter's school, I found a small, loving community of wonderful parents, teachers and students. We became fast friends with a group of UCR religious studies professors whose kids were in kindergarten with our child. We went to the movies together and had BBQs in backyards. My child's class of 18 students doubled the size of the school. Now that I think about it, those were the halcyon days. I wish I had appreciated them. For, while it was a lovely time, it was not financially sustainable. Now the time has come to pay the piper, and for me to face some uncomfortable truths.

There is a waiting list for my child's school. From what I gathered, although we may indeed lose some families with next year's tuition increase, they will be easily replaced. What is not so easily replaced, I fear, is the economic diversity that those families provided. I am quite conflicted about this. I feel like I occupy a tenous middle-ground between the Junior League parents who thankfully patronize what we like to call "Babbo's House" and my fellow teachers, well-paid to be sure, but constantly asked to do more and more, for less and less money, every year. I fear how tuition increases will be received in their houses. Will they find the money? Will they "make it a priority" as one person put it? From what I understand, many are on the edge in terms of being able to afford tuition as it is.

But what I find especially troubling, and something that I only discussed with someone after the meeting, is that no one seemed especially concerned with preserving what little diversity the school currently has. I understand that in the market, a scarce commodity will demand higher prices. Those less able to pay, are unfortunately, pretty much SOL. No one mentioned maybe trying to come up with a scholarship program. Nobody was concerned that as our school becomes more and more the school of lawyers and doctors (God bless them all, we sure do need them), that it becomes less and less a school of teachers, office workers and clerks. In my opinion, this is not a good thing. When I made a comment that with every tuition increase, our school is looking less and less like its community, someone in the room responded with a scathing attack on the moral and ethical standards of our community. Given that I teach these very same students every day, I found it to be quite insulting. What was more troubling, however, is that no one stood up to contradict the statement. When no one speaks up, I think it's safe to say that people are either shocked into silence, or that they agree with the speaker. I went to the meeting and said my peace. I felt I had to say something. If I was the lone dissenting vote, then so be it.

I suppose I assumed that the rest of the people in the room were similarly troubled and concerned about the implications of making our school more elite, more expensive and more selective. I have spoken to other parents of color in the school and we feel similarly conflicted. We want to do what is best for our children, but we also realize that they must live in the broader, more diverse world. Are we doing them a disservice by insulating them from that reality? In my ideal world, any discussion of tuition increases would've included a drive to have a scholarship endowment. It would've included a plan to increase racial and ethnic diversity. It would've included a plan to go out and talk to, for example, the Hispanic chamber of commerce. There are Mexican lawyers out there, and they do have children! Unfortunately, I didn't hear any such conversation. The feeling I got from the room was that we have to do this. If people value this, they will pay for it. and if they can't, oh well, we have other people that will fill their spots. It's the cold hard economic reality of America. They are all probably right. But that doesn't mean that I have to like it.

I never intended to keep my child in private school forever. I found a school that I love, with teachers that I respect and admire that has provided a warm and friendly educational environment. I suppose that this week's events have taken the wool from my eyes. It's still a great school, the teachers are still fantastic, and the parents and kids are still top-notch. However, long-term, I'm realizing that it's not where I want my kids to be. I'd like my child to take classes with the smartest kids, whatever their socioeconomic status or color. It would make me particularly happy if that classroom was economically, racially and ethnically diverse. Because whether you like it or not, that's Riverside, California and that's America.

Discipline-and punish?

So this week's warm-up question for the Civil War was as follows: You are a parent, and your child has run away from home. When they are returned do you (a) punish them to make sure they know what they did was wrong or (b) accept them back with a promise that they will never do it again. it's such a fun discussion, because everyone has an opinion and some feel very strongly about it. kids always want to know what I would do.

and....you know I'm going with (b). I refuse to be made to feel bad about it. The next day, as I was off campus going to get lunch, I overheard a radio program with some guy talking about how spanking is so bad and how it is so damaging psychologically. I started yelling at the radio. Then I called the Chef and he was also listening to the radio and yelling at it. That made me feel better!

Because this is the paradox. On most issues (economic, social, political), I am exceedingly liberal. I support the rights of my LGBT brothers and sisters to marry the person they love. I am a Christian, but it is absolutely okay to me if you are not. I have never voted Republican. I believe in social justice. I am a feminist. and at the same time, I am resolutely old-fashioned when it comes to disciplining my kids and in my own classroom. I see too many parents who are trying to be their kids' friend. I see too many that let the kids rule the roost, only to discover when their kid reaches high school and starts to get into trouble, they their kid does not respect them. Kids are smart, and will figure out instantly if a parent is being inconsistent, or if they won't follow through.

I sympathize with these parents, I really do. Fundamentally, being a good parent is REALLY HARD! There are times when I'd just like to go the easy route; to give in to their demands or to just ignore inconvenient behavior. While in the short-term this is easier, in the long-term, the consequences are more serious. Good parenting and good discipline begin when the kids are TINY. It continues up through high school and college. In many ways, I suppose, it is never ending.

I am not trying to be my child's friend. I am not trying to negotiate with them, or explain my reasoning. In my opinion, the answer "because I am the mommy and I said so," is frequently acceptable. I don't have to explain everything. I am the grown-up. I have the Daddy backing me up. When you are an adult and can pay your own bills, then you can be in charge. Until then, I am the boss. Sounds draconian, doesn't it?

It works the same way in my classroom. With 36 students in my classroom, I don't have the time or energy to debate every directive with every student. If I tell you to change seats or to stop talking while I'm talking (which I find hugely disrespectful and profoundly irritating), I'm not going to debate it with you. I am not particularly concerned with your opinion at the moment. You'll do it because I am the teacher and because I said so.

Of course, I am not perfect, and I do make mistakes. I do tell my students that if decision of mine really bothers them, then they should talk to me after class, privately, and I'll willingly listen to what they have to say. Challenging me in front of the class, however, is always unacceptable and pretty much automatically results in an immediate trip to the detention hall. I will not stand for disrespect.

When I was a kid, my mom had a paddle in the kitchen that was inscribed with the phrase "for use on little Texans," ie, me! I think my mother would probably agree that she only had to use it on me a handful of times. Most of the time, she could keep me in line with her eyes (the stare of death), or with even the threat of using that paddle. She didn't actually have to paddle me. I knew it was there, I knew she would use it if necessary, and that knowledge alone pretty much kept me in check. I didn't suffer because I was spanked or paddled. I grew up with the knowledge that I had boundaries, and those boundaries were there for a reason. I still absolutely love and respect my parents. I see how some of my students talk to their parents, and I am horrified.

I see, every day, the results of parents who don't set boundaries for their kids. By the time they reach high school, and parents belatedly realize that maybe they should've been a little tougher with the discipline, it's too late. You can't put the genie back in the bottle. I think a lot of high school teachers would agree with me. Maybe I am an ogre who is doing irreparable harm to her children and students. That's the way I feel every time someone comes on the radio talking about "time outs" and other more "modern" forms of discipline. I suppose that in this case, I am more conservative. And that feels profoundly strange!

Plus, I am also thankful that I found a wonderful man who is perhaps even more liberal than I am (is that possible?), but who is also conservative when it comes to discipline. Maybe it is because we are both children of immigrants? Whatever the case, we make a good team. My parents definitely "have my back on this." So yeah, I spank my kids. and I'm not apologizing for it.

why I have 56 students in my 5th period class.

Apparently many of my non-k-12 teacher friends are unfamiliar with the concept of leveling (also called CBDS) in public schools. Let me take a moment to fill you in on the process. If you're not infuriated by the time I'm done, I will be greatly surprised.

As you may or may not know, school districts are reimbursed by the state via ADA (Average Daily Attendance) per student. The more students we have, the more sections of classes we are allocated. Site administration can then use those allocated sections to hire more teachers or (as they prefer to do) ask teachers to do "extended day," i.e. teach an extra section, giving up their prep period.

The trick is to get your numbers just right. Many students move away over the summer, and don't tell the school that is expecting them. We always expect a certain number of no-shows. Similarly, students move into the district and often don't show up until the first day of school. There is almost no way to predict what the balance between those two will be. Until we can actually get a week or so of actual classes underway, we really can't determine the actual number of "bodies in the seats," and then go back and ask for more sections/teachers.

Notice I said ask for more sections. Almost always, schools are under-allocated. For the school district, it is cheaper to run really large sections for an extended period of time (maximizing their current teacher productivity), and then wait until the last possible minute to actually hire more teachers and/or ask more teachers to do extended day. For the district, once you hire a teacher, it is very difficult to say "whoops! we were wrong! it turns out that we don't need you." So they would rather err on the side of caution and just jam pack our classes with students until such time that they are actually forced to hire more teachers.

By contract, the district has six weeks to level classes. For most teachers, this means that we have to deal with the uncertainty of not only large class sizes, but also with students that are coming and going, often on a day-to-day basis. By the time we reach the six week deadline, many students have had three or more teachers per subject. It is very difficult, to say the least, to build rapport with students who may or may not be there tomorrow, next week, or even next month. By the time leveling day arrives, you just never know who will still be in your classes. To say that this tampers with class morale would be an understatement.

Despite all of these obvious difficulties, we are still expected to teach our standards and administer our common assessments. Is it little surprise that our students lowest test scores are always on the very first assessment, i.e. the one that takes place before classes are leveled? Grading is also a nightmare when students have gone from one teacher to the next and often have not had a chance to turn anything in!

When you have so many students in a class, it necessarily changes the types of instruction that you can do. I had planned on doing an activity in class on Friday where we were going to practice moving our desks into different configurations that we're going to use throughout the year. I don't think that is going to be possible when students can't even literally move around the room!

What is really frustrating is that I know it does not have to be this way. Friends in other school districts tell me that their classes are leveled by the third week. It can be done. For whatever reason, in RUSD, six weeks is the deadline. It's always surprised me that parents put up with this nonsense. For six weeks, your child is in an over-crowded classroom, with his or her class schedule open to a complete change multiple times. Does this create a climate that encourages learning and bonding with a teacher and classmates? No, it does not. Parents should rise up against this. It hurts teachers, sure, but most importantly it hurts our students. and it does not need to be this way.

Fun Places to take the Kids Part II-CDMOD

CDMOD? What is that??

It stands for Children's Discovery Museum of the Desert, it is one hour away, and it is, outside of Legoland, perhaps our favorite place to go.

but it's an hour away! That's so far!

why, yes it is. However, I would like to point out that it's an EASY drive. Compared to going to Pasadena or Los Angeles, there is very little traffic. Driving out to the desert is relatively stress-free, unless you decide you want to go out there on a Friday afternoon, in which case I would seriously question your sanity.

Anyway, back to CDMOD. We started coming to this museum in 2007 and have been regulars ever since. The first thing you notice is the reasonable admission price; just $8 a person. We have traditionally gone the membership route, since it is only $25 per person (after three visits, it's FREE!) and that includes four guest passes, which I usually use to bring Grandma or Grandpa along for the ride. The weather in the winter is fabulous, obviously, so we try to come during Thanksgiving vacation, Christmas, and then a few times afterwards.

While this museum is smaller than Kidspace in Pasadena, is packs a lot of fun into a small footprint. For my kids, the enduring favorites are the grocery store and the pizza parlor. Even now, my big 8 year-old girl LOVES to make pizzas and my tomato STILL loves to push a shopping cart around the grocery store. They even have aprons for kids to work the cash register and pretend money at the ATM. For some reason, kids find pretend grocery stores to be incredibly fun. Even when he was barely 1 1/2 years old, my Tomato loved the grocery store and would play forever.

Upstairs there is a fabulous dress-up room that has stuff for boys and girls. I began to worry that when my big girl's foot actually began to fit the shoes in the dress up area that she would decide she was too big for it, but no! She still loves to wear the hats and jewelry and glittery dresses, while my Tomato becomes a construction worker or fireman. They are definitely into their gender roles, what can I say??

There is a great toddler area adjacent to the grocery store and pizza area, for parents who want to keep an eye on both kids. The main floor has a vet's office (always a big hit), an art area, an area where you can paint a VW bug (kids LOVE this, go figure), some more advanced construction stuff for older kids, plus a plethora of hands-on play manipulatives. There is not too much outside yet, but they are in the middle of construction as I write this and so hopefully this part will improve. For now, outside is a good place to eat snacks or lunch under the covered awnings, or just to run and shake off some energy before getting back in the car to go home.

and if you don't feel like packing a picnic lunch, there is an In-n-Out burger right by the freeway on-ramp!!

Really, I can't say enough good things about CDMOD. It's one of our favorite places, and we go a lot. If it was closer, we'd go more often.....

Fun Places to Take Kids Part I-Kidspace

One of the benefits of being a teacher, is that I get summers off with the kids! I am always looking for fun, inexpensive excursions for us, and going to a lot of kid/science museums is always high up on the priority list. Kidspace Museum in Pasadena is one of our favorites.

We'd go to Kidspace more often, but it is a solid hour's drive from Riverside. Having said that, it is definitely a worthwhile excursion.

Having a 5 year old and an 8 year old is sometimes difficult, in that the older one can actually read and understand the exhibit information, whereas the little one mostly wants to climb and manipulate things. What I like about Kidspace is that there is plenty to please both kids, often in the exact same exhibit. Kidspace has multiple climbing towers, which if you read the descriptions, actually have some science and knowledge behind them. While my big girl reads (and climbs) the Tomato is busy climbing up and down and wearing off some of his energy. The inside space has exhibits on insects, a functioning beehive, stuff on the environment and a really cool room with minerals and other tactile objects to manipulate. However, the outside part is great too, with a construction zone, more climbing objects, gardens, a tricycle track, environmental exhibits and plenty of water play. We may have spent as much or even more time outside than inside.

If you have a toddler, there is a section of the museum just for little ones. The first time we went to this museum, my Tomato was still 2 or 3, so I dropped him off with Grandpa in this section and we didn't see them at all until lunch! I'm not sure exactly what play options are in there, but apparently it was lots of fun. The Tomato rejoined us when we went to the outside exhibits, mostly because there were lots of opportunities to climb and run amuck, two of his passions in life.

The museum has absolutely FABULOUS eating options with healthy snacks, but it is also located in the park adjacent to the Rose Bowl, so there are many places inside and out to eat a picnic lunch under mature, beautiful trees. Another advantage to its location in a park is that before you hit the car for the big drive back home, you can always have the kids hit the nearby playground for a last ditch attempt to wear off some of that energy.

Perhaps the only thing I don't like about Kidspace is that it is NOT cheap. At $10 a person (kids AND adults), it can turn into an expensive outing, once you add in the price of gas and food. Combined with the drive from Riverside, it definitely turns into an excursion. These are the reasons we don't go more often, but when we do go, we thoroughly enjoy it.

Why do I hate Justin Bieber?

I was thinking about my knee-jerk reaction to the proliferation of all things Bieber. Why, exactly, do I love to hate him? He's just a kid, singing innocuous love songs to a bunch of screaming teenaged girls, right??

Nope. I'd argue that he is symptomatic of a larger change in the music industry that I find disheartening. He's not an artist. He's a product.

1. I will just say straight out that I MUCH prefer singer songwriters to people who have great talent, but who sing the songs of others. Bob Dylan and Neil Young are not gifted vocally, but they WRITE THEIR OWN SONGS and I think that is awesome. The music is coming from their hearts and souls, not from some paid songwriter. Somehow I don't feel that Bieber is writing many of his own songs at this point, and even if he did, the things he would write about would probably not speak to me. They might speak to your average teenager, but I doubt they are songs that will live in pop consciousness for too long.

2. This kind of goes back to reason one, but you can be gifted vocally and maybe even be a great dancer, but if your singing doesn't tell me something about your experience, or connect to a greater humanity, then I'm just not as enthusiastic about you. Take, for example, Christina Aguilera. She has a tremendous voice. However, I don't think that any of her albums have given me a glimpse into her soul. She's a songbird. I don't get any sense of who she is. With each music release, she changes style with whatever producer she has chosen. Adele, or Amy Winehouse, or Neko Case, however, are singers AND songwriters who, though they work with producers, put out music that is embedded with their souls, their stories, their heartache and their triumph. When they sing, you feel it. The downside with this, is of course sometimes those demons overcome the artist (hello Kurt Cobain and Amy Winehouse), but not always. The best music, is universal because it speaks to the human experience. Of course, not all music need to save the world. We can't all be Midnight Oil. There is room in life for silly pop songs that make you want to dance (hello Katy Perry!). But can't there be great pop music that is catchy, well-written AND musically relevant?

3. Pop music has always been susceptible to it (as has most dance music), but I rue the rise of the super producer over the last few years. This tends to go in cycles, of course, as producer-dominated disco once ruled the charts for a time. The new Katy Perry is an example of a hugely catchy CD (and yes, she co-writes her songs), but it's also put together by some of the best producers/songwriters in the business. The fact that I know the names of Dr. Luke, the Smeezingtons and RedOne, is disappointing because really, the names of the artist should be more predominant! There for awhile, when the Neptunes duo were hot, you could hear their songs on the radio in an instant. They all had a similar style, and the vocalists were essentially interchangeable. That bothers me. The vocalists, the artists should not be interchangeable!! Shouldn't they be singing their songs, shaping their stories? Perhaps with an assist with a producer or songwriter (Adele wrote her song Turning Tables with a great songwriter who is also an evangelical Christian, but that's another story), but their own vision should be first and foremost! Otherwise they are not really artists, they are product. They are Christina Aguilera. Or Demi Lovato.

4. Finally, Bieber is symptomatic of a music industry that needs to permeate all corners of pop culture with their product. It's not enough to have a song on the radio. You have to have your own iPhone app, movie, soda, clothing line, perfume etc. Now that people aren't buying music anymore, it's understandable that the music industry would move in this direction. However, when a gigantic multinational corporation is putting together these lines (look! It's the new Selena Gomez perfume!), it just strikes me as so artificial. When the Disney juggernaut decides to put its corporate weight behind a music group (The Jonas Brothers), all of a sudden they become ubiquitous. All of a sudden it's not so much about the music as it is about the product and product diversification. Ironically, the Jonas Brothers are actually pretty good musicians and I don't hate them. Have you noticed, however, how little we've been hearing about them lately? Has the Disney Corporate juggernaut passed them by??

Maybe, ultimately, that's what bothers me about Bieber and his ilk; music as product rather than expression. In today's quickly changing landscape, I realize that musicians can't rely on music sales to make their living. They need to diversify, license their songs to be played in Carl's Jr.s and Mc Donald's and sell lots of t-shirts. I guess I just prefer it when an artist's expression is their own, and not that of a corporate board that is trying to extract maximum profit from a product (Bieber) that has a limited shelf life.

yes, I know. I think way too much about music. This is what happens when you have WAY too much post-graduate education and suffer from a life-long obsession with music.

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