why church is good for you.

Today's gospel was, I believe, a perfect example of why I think attending church on a regular basis can be really good for you. If I could sum it up in a catch phrase, it would be "it's not about you."

To totally paraphrase today's lesson: two guys go to pray at the temple. One is a community leader, wears the right clothes, contributes regularly, and when he prays, talks to God nonstop about how he is so happy that he's not a thief, a beggar, or that sketchy-looking tax collector who is sitting uncomfortably close to him. He spends his prayer saying all the right things, but barely giving God a chance to get a word in! The tax collector, meanwhile, knows that people hate him. He knows he's done bad things (overcharging and keeping the extra cash for himself). He asks God for forgiveness, implores God to help him lead a better life and thanks God for the opportunity to do so. Instead of talking about himself all the time, like the other guy, he is silent and lets God speak to him. He leaves the temple feeling like a new man and God is clearly pleased with him.

I think God is really saying in today's gospel, it's really, really not all about you. I wish more people would listen to that idea. I think I need to get reminded of it myself, as I'm clearly not perfect either.

It is so very easy to get caught up in the drama of our every day problems. A long-term boyfriend breaks up with a friend, and all she can think about his how to get him back, or how her life is so terrible. A neighbor complains that their job is so difficult and so trying, it hardly seems worth the effort. A star athlete complains that they are treated unfairly by the press.

Really, people, can we just get over ourselves for a little bit and see what's really important?

Yes, it is awful when your heart is broken. Sometimes our workplaces can be difficult and stressful. And yes, sometimes tabloid press coverage can be unfair. Maybe it's my eternally optimistic mother (and immigrants are nothing if not optimistic), that always stressed looking at the flip side of the coin. Yes, your heart was broken, but you did experience love and hopefully you DID learn something from it. Yes, your job is tough, but hey, at last you have a job! So many people do not! Be thankful for the blessing of work! yes, the tabloid may have you splashed on its cover, but presumably you are getting paid for what you love to do, and isn't that a HUGE blessing in itself? For goodness sake, stop whining!

Even if my children don't grow up to regular church-going Episcopalians, I hope and pray that this experience in their youth will help them to see that the world is more than their comparativelytiny, tiny trials and tribulations. We are all truly blessed to be born in an industrialized nation, with roofs over our heads, clean drinking water and food on the table. We are blessed to have world-class educations, especially when less than 1% of the world's population has college degrees. Most of the time we are blessed with good health and access (however expensive that access may be) to first class health care. We are blessed with a democratic government that (for the most part) respects our human rights and allows us the opportunity to fulfill our dreams and to provide a better future for our children. We have families and communities that nurture us and give us strength when the waters are rough.

Of course there are important, critical issues that we need to think about and address: global warming, our dependence on foreign oil, sustainable food, budget deficits, unemployment, etc.

However, I do feel every once in awhile we need to stop and think about all the blessings we do have in our lives. We need to stop whining, to stop wallowing in our own problems and be thankful (to God, Allah, or in the case of my friend Jake, to "Cher") for what we do have in our lives. In Sunday School today, the children were asked to write three simple sentence "prayers" to God. the key words were "Please," "thank you" and "I'm sorry." Taking a cue from my 7 year-old, I'd like to say the following: "Please" God/Allah/Cher, help me to think of others who are less fortunate than myself. "Thank you" God/Allah/Cher for all of the many blessings in my life. Finally, "I'm sorry" that I haven't been a better person this week, that I've been wallowing in my own problems and not seeing the forest for the trees. I'll try to do better, with your help.

You don't have to believe in God to agree that we all need, sometimes, to take ourselves a little less seriously. We need to stop, get off the egocentric (affluenza?) train and take stock of what really matters in our lives. It's not all about our problems. It's not all about us. It's really not. Make an honest assessment of your life and see what you can do better. Then tomorrow is a new day and a new opportunity to do better.

the curse of being big

Chiara asked when she is going to start up with tennis again! This is good, right? She's taking an interest in a sport, in being active and having fun. Unfortunately, this entails buying a pair of shoes, and once again mommy starts to worry.....

First worry, will I even find a pair of tennis shoes for her in the kids department in her size? Last time I checked, she was a kid size 4, which is the equivalent of a women's size 6. Yes, she's got a woman-sized foot on her 7 year old frame. This presents so many difficulties.
There is, of course, the money factor! Women's tennis shoes are at least double in price! And of course, most women's shoes don't have flashing lights or sparkly pink swooshes. This leads into difficulty #3; my girl, despite her size, is still a little girl! She would like flashing lights on her shoes (like her brother has) and would like sparkly, girly doo-dads on them too. Unfortunately, most kids shoes with the aforementioned doo-dads are not produced in size 4, presumably because manufacturers figure that by the time your foot is that big, you've outgrown the need for sparkly, child-like accoutrements. I don't think these manufacturers took into mind giant-footed little girls.

There are so many times when Chiara gets the short end of the stick because she is such a tall and big girl. The Chef can toss Mario all over the swimming pool because he is still so (relatively) small and slim. Chiara begs to be tossed too, but really, her sheer size limits her to minimal trajectory.

She still wants to be picked up, but really, it's a struggle for me to hoist her up around my waist. Last I checked, she weighs around 75 pounds, and that is quite a formidable size. I can generally only manage to carry her a few steps before I have to set her down, for fear of injuring my back. Even the Chef (with all his neck and back problems) cannot lift her. Last time I checked, Uncle Andrea was the only one strong and healthy enough to throw her up in the air! She still loves to be thrown in the air....

and clothes? oy. I am thankful for elastic waist leggings, Hanna Andersson clothes (however, expensive they may be), but I absolutely CURSE the makers of jeans who apparently don't believe that even big girls need elastic waists! I dread the day when my girl curses the shape of her body in a dressing room, as she wonders why she can't fit into the skinny jeans that all the other girls are wearing. I wish that I could insulate her from that reality, but I know I cannot. I expect that within the next year or two, she'll outgrow the girls department (she's already in sizes 10/12) and I know one day I will have to find age-appropriate clothes in the women's department.

The clothing and shoe manufactuers of America need to expand their size ranges for the sake of Chiara and other big and tall girls who are rapidly outgrowing what is readily available. I'm not ready for my 7-year-old to in the women's clothing or shoe departments yet. In a world where girls are being urged to grow up and assume adult roles at younger and younger ages, I'd like to keep my little girl a girl for as long as I can. Hopefully that's still possible.